Jealously

Jealousy is a very strong emotion, and emotion only.
It is closely followed by anger and depression, and is centered around my selfishness.

Jealousy sets my imagination free. It subtracts my logic, and allows a school of negative thought to swim through my head.

so I sit there going through them, and I find myself getting angrier and angrier after each thought.

before I blow up, my anger transforms into depression.
My inability to keep what I was afraid of loosing.

I don't like being jealous.
but it always seems to get the better of me.

I need to trust more, and ask for more faith
Love is not Jealous said the Lord.

Cannot co-exist

Though read many times.
I never appreciated that God can simply not coexist with sin.
When I accepted Jesus into my life. I had the holy spirit dueling (correction "dwelling") within me.
However, when sin entered through my eyes and my mind.
ensuing was a struggle within.
Each seem to be repelling the other.
They won't blend, and they can't be compromised.
The vary nature of Sin and God is that where one rules, the other cannot.
I am a witness for that.

If you, like me, have known what it was to rely on Jesus, and to have him as the rock in your life, can fully appreciate the irreplaceable peace his love gave to your soul.
It was how it was suppose to be.

God cannot be with Sin,
in this life or after into eternity.

Sharon

Things I like about Sharon

she is loyal and faithful
she does things the best she can
she is very clear headed
She is very focused on the right things
she is funny/cute
she encourages me, makes me better
She loves God
She is willing to take the time to work out problems with me
she is willing to forgive me
she is willing to wait for me to grow
she believes in me
she cooks well
she dresses nicely
I can make her laugh
I can talk to her and be a good listening ear with feedback
she likes me too
she is very nice to her parents
she treats me well, remembers my problems, and helps me with them.
she smells nice
she's a good singer
she listens to God, and me
she considers what others say, and likes to make sure she's making the best decisions
when we talk, we never run out of things to say
when we do activities I always have fun completing them with her
we are productive, and we have fun when ever we try to finish something together
when we discuss a problem, we always come up with a solution
she is very brave
she never takes the short cuts
she is very straightforward, no deceit
she voices her opinions, but is willing to listen at the same time
she relies on me for things I am able to help her with

Retreat

I went on a retreat the past weekend.
One moment summarized the whole experience.
We set out into the night at 11PM.
our goal was to set up a bonfire in the fields.
our cottage was at the end of a long forest trail.
so as we walked through the road that was plowed down between the woods.
we looked above and saw countless stars between the trees.
we were looking at the same sky we had in the city.
where stray lights from street lamps and store fronts blocked out the stars set by God.
I have never seen a sky so beautiful and peaceful.
In the same way, I saw God more clearly than ever when I got rid of all the other pollutions in my life.
I am so safe. Guided by the same God who guided the stars in the sky to where they should be.

Crowd

Fall term is here.
its a little bit harder to walk through the now crowded campus.
everyday I pass by hundreds of busy bodies holding books or girlfriends.
Sometimes I think I stare too much.
occasionally our glances meet and I am confident that they can't be sure I'm looking at them and not what's behind.
Lately...
I've been hoping to see and tell my future wife's smile from the crowd.
Someone who didn't just pass by, but stayed with me and walks through with me.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

Philippians 4:6-7

Things to learn

I want to learn the words of encouragement.
I want to be gentle enough to not damage.
I want to be clean enough to not infect.
I want to be attentive enough to take care of someone.

forced to be brave

I really don't have what it takes to apply to grad school
but I have to turn a blind eye to that for now

often I shy away from a road I don't think I am capable of walking
I have the ability to become content with whatever option I am left with

maybe its not always the best choice to take.
If I do this again, I guess I'll always take the same approach to every challenge or decision in my life.
this time, with some encouragement, I've decided to go against my own grain
and do something that is out of the range of what I am "capable" of.