poem about sunset

As we chase after the sun, we did not want to see it go away.
For then we can no longer see our new made friends.
we can only hope and Waite and pray to see it rise again in another place, on another day when we can see each other all again.

emoticon fun

(-__-) /(-_- )\

6(^__-) -o/(o_o )\

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<^^O ^^^^^^ O^^^>~ PUFFF!
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<^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^> \(0_0)/

Joke Sharing

雨石： 我下次来帮你切芒果吧~
朋友： 你会切到手的！
雨石：　不会！我不是盲人！
雨石：　哈哈哈哈！

Street evangalism

Yesterday, I went out for my first "on the job training" of the evangelism class.
We went to SMU (Singapore Management University) to try to find some students who were willing to listen to the gospel.
So anyways, we went there and there were students break dancing, chatting, and studying hard in a big group. All very unapproachable.
We were trying to find people who were alone or just in a group of two and looked liked they had time for a chat.
I was glad I was with my trainer and not doing this by myself.
we prayed before we began.
We did end up finding a few, but realized they were either Christians already, or unwilling to listen, uninterested in hearing the gospel.
we then saw this old man (lady?) sitting on the steps, finding shelter from the rain.
So we went on to try to talk to him about Jesus.
He turned out to be a Buddhist, but goes to churches sometimes, just to get food.
So I was to observe as my trainer went through the gospel with him, from grace, to man, to God to Jesus, and then to faith. Using analogies along the way to illustrate the points with some transitions to connect the points and diagnostic questions to start up the conversation...(I really wish I had read ahead and prepared more before talking about the gospel with my grandma... feels like I really gave her a half butt gospel presentation in comparison).
Anyways, it felt really good when the old man was willing to listen, and pondered what we told him, but a bit discouraging when in the end, he stuck with his Buddhist beliefs. He always tried to sidetrack onto Buddhist teachings, but my trainer did a good job at keeping the topic on course, not letting him take it astray. My trainer normally seems soft spoken, but when talking about God, he had more command in his voice and more light in his eyes. He was on fire as they would say. Animated and intensely concentrated when talking about Jesus, like a man who was sure of what he was talking about. So just like that the seeds have been planted with the old man, the old man can see that we are sincere about what we talk about. We left him with a track of information and contacts. Afterwords my trainer stepped aside with me to pray for him after wards.
All in all, It was a very taxing experience, and I am left with a daunting task of doing the same thing in the future as my trainer just did. If you think about it though, the Lord has led me to this point, given me this great opportunity. He'll be with me to finish the good work he has started with me! Can't believe he choose someone like me who is "un-good" with words. It was also kind of special that my trainer seemed bad with words as well hehe XD
Apparently, my trainer told me that these kind of street evangelism is more for our own training. Evangelizing, or visiting contacts who you already know are much more effective. This makes sense.
ahh so late. going to bed to keep my sleeping schedule...

refreshment

I watched alot of House episodes today
from 1 last night to 5 this afternoon, I watched total of around 6 episodes.
When I finally had the will power to stop
I went outside for a bit of fresh air
only half of the sun was hitting me.
the other half didn't make it through the trees above me
there was a smell of shampoo around my residence
someone just had a shower and its a brand I've never encountered before
breathing out here was different
I want to breath more when I am here
there was a small breeze, and I wanted to suck that breeze into my nose
all of it!
the wind went through my left sleeve , lifted my t-shirt, and then out the other with some of my deoderate
mosquitoes started to bite me
and I realized I should get back and maybe get started on some work.
I don't have a lot of time left for that...
I regret watching all that House.

Burnt out

With the recent inability to fall asleep
me going to class most of the time
church activities
exercising
and the hot weather amount other things.
I am starting to feel really burnt out.
Not enough energy to do anything else, or care about anything else.
Too tired to do God's work
too tired to try to do well in school
too tired to maintain some relationships
I guess I have really been pampered the beginning of my life hehe

reflecting on the last post about what is the real problem... I don't think it is because I am doing too much (no not doing too much at all)
all the things I am doing are important.

I think the real problems is that I have a bad relationship with God and don't trust him enough who is the source of endless strength.

Midterm mistake

today I thought I did well on my midterm
but as it turns out. I read the problem wrong.

I guess sometimes I am so concerned with solving a problem I got the problem wrong to begin with. Or I don't know what the "real" problem is.

very contemplative :S

like for example...

If I think I am ugly

is the fact that I am ugly the problem? Should I try to fix that?
or is the real problem my uncomfortableness with my own self and how I am made.

should solve the right problem.

sleep less ness

I can't sleep again.
Tomorrow I have a midterm, and seems like I have to go into it
with limited cognitive skills
I can't even study anymore in the morning for it.
This is the second time in 3 days where I wasn't able to sleep the whole night.
the last time this happened.
I messed up the final examinations very badly...
with bad sleep lately, I've been getting thinner, and my days
have been a drag to get through.
very unproductive as well.
sleep is a very precious thing to loose...
Shakespeare once equated sleep to something that nits you back together I think...
and I need to go out with a broken body from the day before.
On top of sleeping problems, I have a funny feeling stomache now, and a mouth full of ulcers...
I exercise so my body won't drag me down... but it still dose.
I need some medication.
some sleeping pills, some ulcer medication... I need help XD
I never wanted to use pills and medications before. Thinking I can get thru.
I do though, I really do.
Ahh these mosquitoes are biting me alot, they like my type of blood.
Maybe I can spend a little time doing mosquitoes hunting.
Where I expose only one big leg, and wait for it to come and bite me.
then I can smack him dead and have my own blood squirt out from his squeezed flat body.

Mistakes in thinking

*attention* I have changed my post "rainrock" to include the real reason my grandma named me that way

Yesterday, in my moment of frustration I banged out the previous post
I was experiencing some friends leaving as well as some that were recently distanced from me and some that will be distanced from me.
thinking back though
I don't agree with my former self on a lot of the things I said
I was just fresh off of memory, and it gave me a narrow minded sight.
the parting is a very bad reason to loose out on everything else, and I'd be cutting off paths to develop a lot of meaningful relationships that can be continued if I wasn't so passive and lazy.
All that stuff about being more cold is nonsense
I'm just too lazy to work hard to keep the relationship sometimes.
God has called us to love one another.
I pictured a random person in the street today
he or she is a stranger to me
but imagine I knew them and we had a wonderful history together
even if it was before in a far away time.
parting is hard, but there are some things that are worth being hurt for. Like taking a needle shot or building muscles to name a few things.
I then pictured if I didn't know some of my far away friends
terrible.
what was I thinking?
reminds me that I should never make decisions in my emotional states.
but pray to the Lord in these times.
to lean not on my own understanding, but to acknowledge him.
Yesterday, I quieted my heart and prayed,
"coincidentally" I was contacted by a few friends from far away and here immediately, and I talked with a few too who showed me my error in my thinking. Their sharing was so encouraging and they hit the spot with much accuracy.
one of them was a friend who I always had a physical distance with and only meet for a bit, and another was one who I knew I had to leave here in Singapore :P very very interesting huh wouldn't you say.
God is really really faithful as this time has shown again.
trust in God's plan of who he brings in and takes out of my life.
... and besides...
some people are impossible to distance :)

Meeting new people

There are a lot of people I wish I didn't have to meet
it is a bit selfish
it is a bit short sighted
but its the way I feel a lot of the times
what's the point of meeting someone
getting close
only to have them become just a bittersweet memory
something great but untouchable anymore
if I didn't have them in my memory
I wouldn't be so caught up in that moment or place in time
the places they've been wouldn't be as painful to walk through
the smell sights are all the same but where are they?
every time you have to leave someone, do you get a bit more cold?
do relationships become a bit more cheap?
do you become more withheld?
I do.
I hate moving around and people moving around
a weak plant that's moved around different pots is going to die
nothing is going to grow to what it can grow to
people start to become just another friend
I miss the people I've had to leave in the past
and I don't want to have more of them
we should just stay together forever
even into heaven, the way it was suppose to be.

*update* I no longer think this way, see next post for details