forced to be brave

I really don't have what it takes to apply to grad school
but I have to turn a blind eye to that for now

often I shy away from a road I don't think I am capable of walking
I have the ability to become content with whatever option I am left with

maybe its not always the best choice to take.
If I do this again, I guess I'll always take the same approach to every challenge or decision in my life.
this time, with some encouragement, I've decided to go against my own grain
and do something that is out of the range of what I am "capable" of.

Cousin

My cousin is as close as I get to a sister
related through twin fathers our interests are interestingly similar
God made my nose the same way as hers so that any laymen can see we are related
a little proof of our common bloodline
she is, imo, nothing but a female, smarter and prettier version of me.

I told her about my plans so I could hear her suggestion and and encouragements
she is responsible for re-introducing me to my interest in art

Finally, a prayer follows sorrow about leaving again tomorrow
uncertainties about when we'll meet again hangs
At the same time its good that someone so dear is here
though communication through gtalk and picasa is never good enough
it'll have to do

Memories

Memories stream out from old photographs
for a second I am in that picture again
re living the moments it captures
I can smell it again as a chain of senses are re tingled by the familiar faces and places
at the same time its a hard realization that time has put an impenetrable barrier between the past and the future
its saddening that minor things ruined the moments I should have been treasuring with appropriate thankfulness to God.

Coffee

Dreaming of a sunny day with a cup of coffee
Its so bright I have to squint my eyes until it stresses my cheeks
its so hot I am half conscious
Head's sweating so much thoughts are dripped out like water.
its surprising to see that there is no girl in this dream, I am alone
There are anonymous pedestrians who's faces I didn't bother to imagine
It seems I didn't belong there. I was probably teleported here.
returning back home soon.
Its an escape.
my coffee is still three quarters full
the heat of the day maintains the coffee's warmth
I have no idea where I am, I am worry free
just have to concentrate on drinking my coffee